like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
