Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The best revenge is premature balding
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
