i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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