I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
