am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
