dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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