"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Bring me that man meat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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