I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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