I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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