her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
