her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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