I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
