what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
