his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
