Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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