gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
