you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
