I wanna passion pit in your ass
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
