Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
