Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
