mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
