i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
