nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
