I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
