I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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