hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize