so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
