listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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