Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
