Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize