Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
