Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
