shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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