low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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