okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
