My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
