The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
