Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
