so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
