I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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