I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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