when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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