do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize