is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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