i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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