We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize