That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
