The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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