He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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