Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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