with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
