did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
