Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
