this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
