my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
