I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize