I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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