Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
