LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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