Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
