I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you inspire me to be a worse person
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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