whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
