does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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