Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
