Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize