Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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