And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
