Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
