You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
