I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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