She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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