Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
