I didn't shave. On purpose
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
